Coque iphone 6 silicone rose des sables anten31020 The ‘Good Enough’ Marriage

The ‘Good Enough’ Marriage

Forty one year old single mother and journalist Lori Gottlieb has written candidly of spurning “good enough” men in search of the perfect romantic mate. But in her provocative new essay for the Atlantic, Gottlieb advises singles especially women to consider settling when it coque iphone 6 paillette pas cher comes to a love relationship, arguing it will likely lead to long term happiness.

In her essay, Gottlieb likens a “good enough marriage” to a small nonprofit business with a likeable mate who can problem solve. Gottlieb spoke exclusively with WebMD about the reaction it has generated.

“I’ve gotten quite a response, and peter pan disney iphone case it’s been all over the map,” Gottlieb tells WebMD. “Married people are very supportive of the point I am trying to make. Some single women applaud me for saying out loud what many are thinking but aliexpress coque iphone 6 kenzo anten32466 not saying. But many single women think it is an affront. They think it is an unpalatable challenge to an empowering world view that you coque fourrure iphone 6 anten34588 can have it all.”

At the heart of fre coque iphone 6 coque7iphone13462 the “good enough” argument is that too many of us have been brainwashed into a “fairy tales and fireworks” view of romance that lacks long term stability. Gottlieb writes that marrying Mr. Good Enough is a viable option, especially if the goal is to land a reliable life partner trump coque iphone 6 coqueiphone143893 and create a family.

“The point of the article is not to settle for any schmo off the street, but a good guy you like, enjoy the company of, and have realistic expectations of,” she says.

“If you want to be with somebody and you’re holding out, you may end up with nothing,” Gottlieb says. “That’s the crazy making part you’re always comparing.”

Defining the Good Enough Marriage

London pediatrician Donald Winnicott coined the term “good enough mother.” A good enough mother stands in contrast to a “perfect” mother. She provides a safe environment, connection, and ultimately, independence, to facilitate the child’s development. A good enough mother meets some, but not all, of her child’s needs.

Can the good enough theory apply to romantic partners as well

“Good enough, rather than the fairy tale model, which is a big disappointment, is a reasonable way to picture married life,” says Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, WebMD’s sex and relationship expert.

Katharine Parks of Chillicothe, Ohio, married John at 19 and has been happily wed for 32 years. She says the terminology is right on target. “In American society, we are always going for much more than we actually need. We’re expecting too much from a relationship. I think realizing this is as ‘good as etui coque huawei y5 ii it gets’ and that life isn’t ‘once upon a time’ is important to building a life together.”

Scott Haltzman, MD, a clinical assistant professor at Brown University’s department of psychiatry and human behavior, says the issue of settling for a certain person or nanette lepore coque iphone 6 floral scarf coqueiphone131881 behavior in a relationship is one of the principles of happiness if you reframe it as “acceptance.”

“We live in a culture where we’re being told through all forms of media, ‘Don’t accept anything but the best.’ We all marry ‘the wrong person.’ I think the real challenge of marriage is coque huawei p smart avec des ananas to get out of the romantic, over idealized phase and into the ‘now what’ phase. Making adjustments, modifying expectations, and settling is something that happens throughout the entire relationship, not just the day you stand in front of the altar,” he tells WebMD.

“The implication of settling or good enough is that at some core level you will be dissatisfied,” Schwartz tells WebMD. “It’s a downer concept for sure. The whole feeling has infected society in a way that is shocking.” She draws a sports analogy. “I’m a good skier, I have a lot of fun skiing, but I don’t say I’m a ‘good enough skier.’ I wish we could just call it a ‘good marriage.’”

Schwartz says that being in a state of constant coque iphone 6 cool coque7iphone15873 aspiration is a form of “self torture.”

“If I had to settle for a new Oldsmobile when what I really want is a Porsche, I’ll never be satisfied. In truth, the Oldsmobile is new, it’s pretty, and it works. Why wouldn’t I be satisfied with it”

Haltzman notes in his book, The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More out of Your Relationship by Doing Less, that for centuries happiness was not a factor in good marriages. Rather, marriage was a practical matter that ensured social and financial security and provided for offspring. It’s only over the last century that couples have expected marriage to bring them happiness. We’re learning nike tropical coque iphone 6 coqueiphone137552 as we go.

David Rice of Alpharetta, Ga., agrees. Married for five years to Cynthia, he points to his parents’ long marriage and the role model of World War II couples. “Think back to those soldiers, who just wanted to get home to a woman who came from a church going family, could dance, coque iphone 6 avec la pomme anten33166 and was happy to marry a nice guy. coque avocat iphone 7 plus Prerequisites have changed.”

He admits that his romantic journey didn’t go as planned. “At the ripe old age of 44, I felt the time was right and I wanted to coque de iphone 6s mickey anten31741 get married. I found somebody I could build something with, but regardless of the attraction, it wasn’t puppy love. I actually treated it like a business decision, as cold or callous as that might sound. I didn’t feel I had time to make a couple of mistakes. I felt I had to hit it out of the park.”

A Pragmatic View sun coque iphone 6 coque7iphone14158 of Marriage

Experts and married coque iphone 6 silicone rose des sables anten31020 couples both agree: It’s a fantasy to think you’ll achieve perfection in a relationship. Chemistry, while important, is not all important, and the “soul mate” concept sets the bar unrealistically high.

“The good enough marriage that de emphasizes romantic love in favor of a pragmatic relationship is a very important topic that addresses the idealization of romance and the failures that inevitably occur due to unattainable expectations,” says Michael D. Zentman, PhD, director of the postgraduate program in marriage and couple therapy at Adelphi University.

Belinda Rachman, coque iphone 6 hogwarts anten33875 an attorney in Carlsbad, Calif., has been married to Eliot for more than 20 years. “I made a rational choice that had nothing to do with romantic love and have been very happy. I had a written ‘man plan.’ As each successive relationship failed, I took a look at what I had to have in a man, what qualities I had to have and what was negotiable; I knew I didn’t want to go on another emotional roller coaster ride. When I look at the utter mess made by couples who have based coque samsung j3 2017 marbre pas cher a marriage on being in love with no thought to basic compatibility, I know I made the right choice.”

Terri, an artist based in Roswell, Ga., who has been married for eight and a half years, says the good enough concept resonates with her.

“I did have a fantasy idea of what marriage was going to be. By the time I got married in my mid30s, I had a lot of dating experience and the bubble burst. We had a child within the first year of marriage, and it got pretty practical pretty quickly,” says Terri, who asked that her last name not be used. “The ever shifting process of coque iphone 6 military spec drop coqueiphone138227 coming together, compromising, coque samsung j5 barca and the day to day of housekeeping and child rearing have taught me to accept Thomas for who he is. When that happened, I truly felt a sense of relief, a comfortable feeling of where I have landed. I’m much more relaxed.”

Recognizing Mr. or Ms. ‘Good Enough’

In Tyler Perry’s films, the girl often gets the coque iphone 6 transparente disney guy but there’s a caveat: He’s not usually the guy she pictured herself with. In fact, it’s usually a regular guy the proverbial “diamond in the rough” that she’s overlooked.

As we mature and learn more about who we are, recognize our inadequacies and learn to accept those of our mate, we are better equipped to “screen in” candidates who are good enough, experts say…

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